Ok peeps...it is Friday of Memorial Day weekend...and I'm pretty low.
It's been a pretty emotional week, and nothing seems to be going right at this point. I just don't understand how everything can be going so great, and then everything comes to a screeching halt.
I do only have one week left of grad school, and two weeks left at my internship...but then what? I did go on a second interview at IFS yesterday, and I should know today if I got the job. Hopefully I will have a good phone call that helps me get through this weekend. If it is a bad phone call...I don't know what I will do...drink myself into a stupor tonight...I really don't know! lol
I don't often say, "I don't know" because I usually do know. This morning I just don't know. I have been in a rut in every possible part of my life, and have no clue how to get myself out of it. Nothing seems to be going right, but I am going to still try to put a smile on my face and get through each and every day. If I don't do that...what else could I possibly do?
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
philosophy at its finest...
Been thinking very philosophical today. Why, even as adults, do people talk about each other behind their backs? I think adults might even gossip and spread rumors more often than kids do. Sometimes people may have personal things going on in their lives that they want to keep private. It is very hurtful when these things are twisted around, and then spread to everyone.
While I'm working with kids, especially adolescent girls, I try to teach them that people will always gossip and spread rumors, especially girls. I try to teach them to let these things "roll off" because they know it's not true. It's easy to tell other people this, but not when you are having a hard time doing it yourself.
As I get older, I have tried not to let gossip and jealousy of others get to me. I always say that I don't care what other people think about me, but I've realized in the past few weeks that I really do care. It hurts a lot, especially when people make assumptions when they don't know the whole story.
I'm really trying to let this "roll off," like I tell my kids to do. I am going to continue keeping my personal life private, and really evaluate who I can honestly trust. I'm also going to be more choosy with whom I conversate with on public social sites, email, and text message. I've gotta watch my own back, and reevaluate who I confide in...so very, very sad that it's come to this! :(
While I'm working with kids, especially adolescent girls, I try to teach them that people will always gossip and spread rumors, especially girls. I try to teach them to let these things "roll off" because they know it's not true. It's easy to tell other people this, but not when you are having a hard time doing it yourself.
As I get older, I have tried not to let gossip and jealousy of others get to me. I always say that I don't care what other people think about me, but I've realized in the past few weeks that I really do care. It hurts a lot, especially when people make assumptions when they don't know the whole story.
I'm really trying to let this "roll off," like I tell my kids to do. I am going to continue keeping my personal life private, and really evaluate who I can honestly trust. I'm also going to be more choosy with whom I conversate with on public social sites, email, and text message. I've gotta watch my own back, and reevaluate who I confide in...so very, very sad that it's come to this! :(
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday...cramming for my APSW Exam
Hello my peeps...
I am chilling in the Racine Starbucks...studying for my APSW certification exam...that I take tomorrow at 10am! I am feeling pretty prepared right now...a little help from Courtney, and BAM...76% baby!!! I am feeling much better about the exam...gonna use my Heart Health breathing again...confident!
It was a good day at my internship today. I did find out that DPI requires that I stay there until June 10th, but that's cool...more time with my kids!!! Yay!!!
I also started working more closely today with the Temporary School Social Worker, and she is awesome! She has taught me so much about School Social Work in just four short hours...little things...things that I love!!! I'm going to be involved in actual counseling in the next three weeks...exciting stuff for me!
I am realizing with each day that the end of grad school is really almost here. I have a busy June shaping up, and it feels great! More time with Jake, Jason, and my friends. I might actually have time to break out my two horses this summer too...good stuff!
Things have been going so good in my personal life, and I am excited to explore those good things more this summer. Jason has been so understanding, and true support system for me to get through all of this. I'm just hoping that once we actually get to spend most weekends together, we will grow even more as a couple...and a family as our kids get to spend more time together. It is such a good feeling to have a healthy and loving relationship...no strings attached!
Now I think I am just rambling, so I am gonna sign out...
APSW certification exam Wednesday
2nd interview for IFS on Thursday
GREAT things are coming...I can just feel it!!! :)
I am chilling in the Racine Starbucks...studying for my APSW certification exam...that I take tomorrow at 10am! I am feeling pretty prepared right now...a little help from Courtney, and BAM...76% baby!!! I am feeling much better about the exam...gonna use my Heart Health breathing again...confident!
It was a good day at my internship today. I did find out that DPI requires that I stay there until June 10th, but that's cool...more time with my kids!!! Yay!!!
I also started working more closely today with the Temporary School Social Worker, and she is awesome! She has taught me so much about School Social Work in just four short hours...little things...things that I love!!! I'm going to be involved in actual counseling in the next three weeks...exciting stuff for me!
I am realizing with each day that the end of grad school is really almost here. I have a busy June shaping up, and it feels great! More time with Jake, Jason, and my friends. I might actually have time to break out my two horses this summer too...good stuff!
Things have been going so good in my personal life, and I am excited to explore those good things more this summer. Jason has been so understanding, and true support system for me to get through all of this. I'm just hoping that once we actually get to spend most weekends together, we will grow even more as a couple...and a family as our kids get to spend more time together. It is such a good feeling to have a healthy and loving relationship...no strings attached!
Now I think I am just rambling, so I am gonna sign out...
APSW certification exam Wednesday
2nd interview for IFS on Thursday
GREAT things are coming...I can just feel it!!! :)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Monday...a little unexpected...
Well, I'm always talking about closure and how important it is to me. Today I was thrown for a loop. It is my last day at my internship...TODAY! It is a weird feeling that I wasn't really prepared for. My supervisor is going on leave, and today she said, "You're already over on your hours. Let's have today be your last day." Shocking, I have feelings of relief, not sadness.
I am going to be sad to leave my kids, but not to be done with my internship. It just means I'm one step closer to my graduate school career being over. One more Monday night class tonight, two Tuesday classes, and one Saturday class..one more paper to write too!!!
A few questions in my mind...What will transpire in the next two weeks? Will I get any interviews? Will I get any rejections? Will I get any job offers? I honestly don't know!
This "not knowing" usually bugs the crap out of me, but today I am calm and serene...go figure! I'm totally not stressing the unknown. I realize that I'm not very religious, but I do consider myself a spiritual person. The past few weeks I have been doing a lot of praying.
It may sound cheesy, but I really do think that "God has a plan" for me. I don't know if I am "meant" to get this IFS job, but if I don't get it, I'm sure there's something better out there for me. I am trying to remember that "everything happens for a reason."
I am going to stay positive, look ahead, and never look back. I will succeed, even if it takes awhile...
I am going to be sad to leave my kids, but not to be done with my internship. It just means I'm one step closer to my graduate school career being over. One more Monday night class tonight, two Tuesday classes, and one Saturday class..one more paper to write too!!!
A few questions in my mind...What will transpire in the next two weeks? Will I get any interviews? Will I get any rejections? Will I get any job offers? I honestly don't know!
This "not knowing" usually bugs the crap out of me, but today I am calm and serene...go figure! I'm totally not stressing the unknown. I realize that I'm not very religious, but I do consider myself a spiritual person. The past few weeks I have been doing a lot of praying.
It may sound cheesy, but I really do think that "God has a plan" for me. I don't know if I am "meant" to get this IFS job, but if I don't get it, I'm sure there's something better out there for me. I am trying to remember that "everything happens for a reason."
I am going to stay positive, look ahead, and never look back. I will succeed, even if it takes awhile...
Sunday, May 23, 2010
lazy Sundays...doesn't happen very often!
Sunday morning...the morning after the Daughtry show in Rockford. The show was awesome, and Jason and I had a complete blast!!! The seats were awesome...thanks Mom and Dad (30th birthday present)!!!
I must say that things have changed a little bit for me in the terms of concerts in the past ten years or so. We had really awesome seats...at the end of the catwalk! There were four high school age girls sitting next to Jason, and they were so annoying!!! They kept trying to stand in front of our seats, and they were screaming so loudly!!! I let it slide for Lifehouse, but there was no way they were going to stand there for Daughtry. I was a huge bitch to them...saying horrible things to them. They were annoying little girls, and I honestly wanted to the beat the sh** out of them! When Daughtry started playing Jason and I jumped up to the railing before they had a chance. They were super pissed because Jason is 6'3", and I was wearing a 3 inch heal. They said to Jason, "I'm just going to scream in your ear the whole time." We just laughed because it was so funny.
The show was awesome...minus the stupid screaming children. I touched Daughtry's hand twice, and got some awesome pics...which I'm downloading on Facebook as we speak. Daughtry probably played for about two hours...I forgot how many awesome songs he really does have. I will say though, drinking at the show was nearly impossible. It was $6 for one beer...Bud Light...outrageous!!! I haven't had such a good time in a concert in so long, and it was nice to have a relaxing evening with good music and exceptional company.
I am currently enjoying my Sunday off of work by watching Scooby Doo with Jake...trying to decide if we're going to see the new Shrek movie or not. It's a nice day outside...but getting pretty darn humid!!! Time to keep being bum...downloading pictures...spending quality time with Jake!
I must say that things have changed a little bit for me in the terms of concerts in the past ten years or so. We had really awesome seats...at the end of the catwalk! There were four high school age girls sitting next to Jason, and they were so annoying!!! They kept trying to stand in front of our seats, and they were screaming so loudly!!! I let it slide for Lifehouse, but there was no way they were going to stand there for Daughtry. I was a huge bitch to them...saying horrible things to them. They were annoying little girls, and I honestly wanted to the beat the sh** out of them! When Daughtry started playing Jason and I jumped up to the railing before they had a chance. They were super pissed because Jason is 6'3", and I was wearing a 3 inch heal. They said to Jason, "I'm just going to scream in your ear the whole time." We just laughed because it was so funny.
The show was awesome...minus the stupid screaming children. I touched Daughtry's hand twice, and got some awesome pics...which I'm downloading on Facebook as we speak. Daughtry probably played for about two hours...I forgot how many awesome songs he really does have. I will say though, drinking at the show was nearly impossible. It was $6 for one beer...Bud Light...outrageous!!! I haven't had such a good time in a concert in so long, and it was nice to have a relaxing evening with good music and exceptional company.
I am currently enjoying my Sunday off of work by watching Scooby Doo with Jake...trying to decide if we're going to see the new Shrek movie or not. It's a nice day outside...but getting pretty darn humid!!! Time to keep being bum...downloading pictures...spending quality time with Jake!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Sometimes...
Sometimes I wish I was a musician...then I could write a song to express how I am feeling. I know that I blog and keep a personal journal, but sometimes I feel like a song would just help me express myself in a more honest way. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my personal relationships, professional relationships, and my future. The future does scare me a little bit, but it's mostly the unknown that scares me. I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I perceive people...and it makes me think sometimes that I don't know people as well as I thought I did.
Sometimes you listen to what someone is saying, but you don't really hear what they are trying to tell you.
Sometimes you think you understand how someone is feeling, but you really have no clue.
Sometimes you are so wrapped up in your own shit, that you don't really hear the advice people are trying to give you.
Sometimes you think you know someone so well, but you really don't know one thing about them.
I think a lot of the time we "suffocate" people with our good intentions...not realizing that we are doing more harm than good. I think this is how romantic relationships get into trouble. We like spending so much time with that person, and then end up feeling like a burden. I don't know how to explain it...so I'm going to use someone else's lyrics to explain that feeling...
You never said, you never said, you never said
That it would be this hard
Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars?
Can you hear me when I call your name?
And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said and with a broken heart
You walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me when I call your name?
Complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong
And I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars?
Can you hear me when I call your name?
So, can you hear me when I call your name?
And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said and with a broken heart
You walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me when I call your name?
Sometimes you listen to what someone is saying, but you don't really hear what they are trying to tell you.
Sometimes you think you understand how someone is feeling, but you really have no clue.
Sometimes you are so wrapped up in your own shit, that you don't really hear the advice people are trying to give you.
Sometimes you think you know someone so well, but you really don't know one thing about them.
I think a lot of the time we "suffocate" people with our good intentions...not realizing that we are doing more harm than good. I think this is how romantic relationships get into trouble. We like spending so much time with that person, and then end up feeling like a burden. I don't know how to explain it...so I'm going to use someone else's lyrics to explain that feeling...
You never said, you never said, you never said
That it would be this hard
Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars?
Can you hear me when I call your name?
And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said and with a broken heart
You walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me when I call your name?
Complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong
And I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars?
Can you hear me when I call your name?
So, can you hear me when I call your name?
And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said and with a broken heart
You walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me when I call your name?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Okay everyone...it is Friday afternoon at 3:28pm...let's write this one down because I only have one paper left to write and two weeks to do it in!!! I have broken my cycle of procrastination with my last semester of graduate school! I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders...and I can do ANYTHING!!!
I am thinking about what I am going to do this weekend, and I think it's gonna be...play, play, play, play, play!!! True...I do have class tomorrow morning, but tonight I am going to chill with Jake, tomorrow I am going to party it up with Jason at the Daughtry concert, and Sunday I am going to plan a whole lot of nothing.
I am going to intermix all my wonderful plans with praying...I will be praying that I get "that call" next week with a job offer from IFS! If I could have my post-internship job all set up next week that will take a whole lot of pressure off of me for a few weeks. I just know that I can do this job so well...plus I am a weirdo because I love working in Child Protection...do what you love!
Anyways...time to start my chillaxing for the night...until tomorrow... ;)
I am thinking about what I am going to do this weekend, and I think it's gonna be...play, play, play, play, play!!! True...I do have class tomorrow morning, but tonight I am going to chill with Jake, tomorrow I am going to party it up with Jason at the Daughtry concert, and Sunday I am going to plan a whole lot of nothing.
I am going to intermix all my wonderful plans with praying...I will be praying that I get "that call" next week with a job offer from IFS! If I could have my post-internship job all set up next week that will take a whole lot of pressure off of me for a few weeks. I just know that I can do this job so well...plus I am a weirdo because I love working in Child Protection...do what you love!
Anyways...time to start my chillaxing for the night...until tomorrow... ;)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Well peeps...another installment of my blog coming atcha!!!
I had an interview at Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare - IFS this afternoon. I think it went really well. I wasn't nervous at all, and I really think I showed Tim who I really was and why I would be a good ongoing case manager. I had him laughing a few times, and I'm hoping next week...when I get that call...it's a job offer! If everyone could send good thoughts and prayers my way I would be greatly appreciative.
I'm down to four and a half days at my internship and five days of class left. June 5th is so close, and it used to feel so far away. I will be so happy to not have to do five million things in one day, and I can actually concentrate on enjoying life...what a concept!
A lot of things going on this summer...
Daughtry on May 22nd
Idol Live on July 2nd
Graduation on August 29th
I am so excited for what the next few weeks will bring. Let's all just think about the good things going on in our lives right now, and be grateful for all the love and support we do have. I know that I am grateful to my parents, Jason, my friends, and my supervisor. Everyone is making me feel so loved...and I know that I am accomplishing great things!
Thanks everyone...you know who you are!!! <3
I had an interview at Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare - IFS this afternoon. I think it went really well. I wasn't nervous at all, and I really think I showed Tim who I really was and why I would be a good ongoing case manager. I had him laughing a few times, and I'm hoping next week...when I get that call...it's a job offer! If everyone could send good thoughts and prayers my way I would be greatly appreciative.
I'm down to four and a half days at my internship and five days of class left. June 5th is so close, and it used to feel so far away. I will be so happy to not have to do five million things in one day, and I can actually concentrate on enjoying life...what a concept!
A lot of things going on this summer...
Daughtry on May 22nd
Idol Live on July 2nd
Graduation on August 29th
I am so excited for what the next few weeks will bring. Let's all just think about the good things going on in our lives right now, and be grateful for all the love and support we do have. I know that I am grateful to my parents, Jason, my friends, and my supervisor. Everyone is making me feel so loved...and I know that I am accomplishing great things!
Thanks everyone...you know who you are!!! <3
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
new beginnings...
Hey peeps...Yes...I'm starting ANOTHER blog!!! I am literally two and a half weeks from finishing my MSW coursework and my internship. I think with a new beginning starting very soon...it's time for a new blog!
I am finished with my internship at 21st Century Preparatory School on June 2nd, and I have my last Advanced Groups class at Carthage on June 5th. After June 5th...hmm...it's still up in the air.
I am finally starting to get interviews for what I really want to do in social work...well, one interview at least. This week I am interviewing at Integrated Family Services (IFS), which is Region 3 of Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare. This interview is to work as an ongoing case manager with children that have been abused and neglected. I have worked in CPS before...in Walworth County, and I LOVED it! I am aware of a new training for the Bureau starting in June, so this is it...my possibility of getting paid to do social work, having weekends off, using my degree, and quiting Starbucks (bittersweet)!
Jake has also been doing great this year. He is doing very well in school, and loves art and listening to stories. He is a awesome little boy...couldn't ask for better! It will also be nice to have my weekends free to spend more time with Jake because I know we don't get enough "Mommy and son" time. I know that when he is older he will understand why I had to get my MSW done...now I can provide for us so much better!!!
Things in my personal life are right on track as well. Jason and I have now been together for three months, and it couldn't be any better. It feels like we've been together so much longer than that, and he is making me so happy. I still don't get to see him as much as I would like with school and all my other stuff, but that will change very soon! His family and his kids are great too, and I miss them terribly. I can see good things to come from this relationship, and it actually gives me hope in the male species...lol!
I know I can make it through these next few weeks, and I see only good things in the future. Being able to actually spend time with my family, friends, and boyfriend will be the best part. Not living in poverty is just an added bonus. I know that Social Workers don't make much money...but ANYTHING is better than the $10,000/year I make now!
BRING IT ON!!!
I am finished with my internship at 21st Century Preparatory School on June 2nd, and I have my last Advanced Groups class at Carthage on June 5th. After June 5th...hmm...it's still up in the air.
I am finally starting to get interviews for what I really want to do in social work...well, one interview at least. This week I am interviewing at Integrated Family Services (IFS), which is Region 3 of Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare. This interview is to work as an ongoing case manager with children that have been abused and neglected. I have worked in CPS before...in Walworth County, and I LOVED it! I am aware of a new training for the Bureau starting in June, so this is it...my possibility of getting paid to do social work, having weekends off, using my degree, and quiting Starbucks (bittersweet)!
Jake has also been doing great this year. He is doing very well in school, and loves art and listening to stories. He is a awesome little boy...couldn't ask for better! It will also be nice to have my weekends free to spend more time with Jake because I know we don't get enough "Mommy and son" time. I know that when he is older he will understand why I had to get my MSW done...now I can provide for us so much better!!!
Things in my personal life are right on track as well. Jason and I have now been together for three months, and it couldn't be any better. It feels like we've been together so much longer than that, and he is making me so happy. I still don't get to see him as much as I would like with school and all my other stuff, but that will change very soon! His family and his kids are great too, and I miss them terribly. I can see good things to come from this relationship, and it actually gives me hope in the male species...lol!
I know I can make it through these next few weeks, and I see only good things in the future. Being able to actually spend time with my family, friends, and boyfriend will be the best part. Not living in poverty is just an added bonus. I know that Social Workers don't make much money...but ANYTHING is better than the $10,000/year I make now!
BRING IT ON!!!
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