I've been recently thinking about the relationships that adult children have with their parents. I was thinking about the comparison of adult children that have moved out 10-15 years ago, and children that have been moved out for many years that have to move back due to extenuating circumstances.
Myself for example moved back in with my parents after being on my own for eight years. The reason I had to move back is because I was pregnant, left my son's dad, and needed somewhere to stay. I have stayed with my parents for the past four years because I was finishing school, and haven't yet found a job that can help me afford the basics of life.
I have also thought about how honest adult children are with their parents. I know that I am fairly honest with my parents, but I do tend to "omit" certain things from my conversations with my parents. My mother especially, is very interested in the things that I do with my free time...be it my relationships, school, or friends. I tend to omit things that I don't really think they need to know. I don't consider this lying, but do they really need to know everything that I am doing?
Our parents tend to put unneeded pressure on us, and have very high expectations. I know that my parents are very proud of the things that I have accomplished, but I know that they want me to find someone to settle down with. Also, my dad has been putting additional pressure on my to start my PhD already. I just don't know what I could do to make them 100% happy with what I am doing. It is frustrating, but I know that it's just because they care about me.
I may have to consider moving out when I have enough money to pay rent, not when I have enough money to buy a house. I just honestly think that the best thing that I can do for our relationship is to move out, and act like I'm actually 30-years-old. Separating from my parents by moving out seems to be the answer!!!
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Re-separating is a good thing, and it could be a good thing for Jake, too, to not always have grandma and grandpa around. As for the PhD., Karen Kirst-Ashman was a huge proponent of gaining work experience before the PhD., and I agree with her. It's extremely hard to get a job without relevant experience and I don't think anyone should be teaching future social workers (if that's what you intend to do) with out having worked several years in the field.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "omissions" in conversations with your parents, that is perfectly normal. I had a friend in undergrad who had an 80/20 rule with her parents-they heard 80% of what she did, but the other 20% they didn't need to know. My mother feels the same way-there are things parents don't need or want to know.