a new outlook...

Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged...with good reasons. Since I have been trying to stay positive in my blogs I didn't want to write anything until my bad week had passed. It was a horribly bad week, with bad things coming in three's. Now that that week behind me, I am starting off fresh with a new outlook on life...

(1) The APSW Certification Exam:
Sure, I failed...but I only missed passing it by two questions! With a little more studying and a clear head, I can pass it in August right around graduation. I can't technically get my license until I graduate anyways, so no problem.

(2) The IFS Job:
Sure, I didn't get the job...but that must mean that there is a different job out there that I am better suited for! Another positive is that I do currently have a job with insurance, when there are a lot of people finishing school that don't have any job at all. I just need to keep looking for that perfect job that is out there waiting for me.

(3) Being dumped (aka "taking a break")
Sure, I was dumped...but I'm honestly okay with it. He ended up not being the guy I thought he was, especially since he said in his blog that "something was missing" in our relationship. Sure, I would have appreciated a call, text, or email letting me know this problem, but he was probably right. Another indication that he was not the guy for me, and that he's still out there somewhere. I will continue looking until I find him, and I will not lower my standards in any way!

Considering the week I have just had I honestly feel great! I have one more day of classes left, two and a half more days at my internship, the next two days off to be with family and friends, have started to meet new people again, can start breaking out my horses, and am going to start exercising five days a week. I have a loving family, a good education, a place to live, and great friends. I couldn't ask for anything more...which is wy I am still happy and positive!!! :)

Friday morning blues...

Ok peeps...it is Friday of Memorial Day weekend...and I'm pretty low.

It's been a pretty emotional week, and nothing seems to be going right at this point. I just don't understand how everything can be going so great, and then everything comes to a screeching halt.

I do only have one week left of grad school, and two weeks left at my internship...but then what? I did go on a second interview at IFS yesterday, and I should know today if I got the job. Hopefully I will have a good phone call that helps me get through this weekend. If it is a bad phone call...I don't know what I will do...drink myself into a stupor tonight...I really don't know! lol

I don't often say, "I don't know" because I usually do know. This morning I just don't know. I have been in a rut in every possible part of my life, and have no clue how to get myself out of it. Nothing seems to be going right, but I am going to still try to put a smile on my face and get through each and every day. If I don't do that...what else could I possibly do?

philosophy at its finest...

Been thinking very philosophical today. Why, even as adults, do people talk about each other behind their backs? I think adults might even gossip and spread rumors more often than kids do. Sometimes people may have personal things going on in their lives that they want to keep private. It is very hurtful when these things are twisted around, and then spread to everyone.

While I'm working with kids, especially adolescent girls, I try to teach them that people will always gossip and spread rumors, especially girls. I try to teach them to let these things "roll off" because they know it's not true. It's easy to tell other people this, but not when you are having a hard time doing it yourself.

As I get older, I have tried not to let gossip and jealousy of others get to me. I always say that I don't care what other people think about me, but I've realized in the past few weeks that I really do care. It hurts a lot, especially when people make assumptions when they don't know the whole story.

I'm really trying to let this "roll off," like I tell my kids to do. I am going to continue keeping my personal life private, and really evaluate who I can honestly trust. I'm also going to be more choosy with whom I conversate with on public social sites, email, and text message. I've gotta watch my own back, and reevaluate who I confide in...so very, very sad that it's come to this! :(

Tuesday...cramming for my APSW Exam

Hello my peeps...

I am chilling in the Racine Starbucks...studying for my APSW certification exam...that I take tomorrow at 10am! I am feeling pretty prepared right now...a little help from Courtney, and BAM...76% baby!!! I am feeling much better about the exam...gonna use my Heart Health breathing again...confident!

It was a good day at my internship today. I did find out that DPI requires that I stay there until June 10th, but that's cool...more time with my kids!!! Yay!!!

I also started working more closely today with the Temporary School Social Worker, and she is awesome! She has taught me so much about School Social Work in just four short hours...little things...things that I love!!! I'm going to be involved in actual counseling in the next three weeks...exciting stuff for me!

I am realizing with each day that the end of grad school is really almost here. I have a busy June shaping up, and it feels great! More time with Jake, Jason, and my friends. I might actually have time to break out my two horses this summer too...good stuff!

Things have been going so good in my personal life, and I am excited to explore those good things more this summer. Jason has been so understanding, and true support system for me to get through all of this. I'm just hoping that once we actually get to spend most weekends together, we will grow even more as a couple...and a family as our kids get to spend more time together. It is such a good feeling to have a healthy and loving relationship...no strings attached!

Now I think I am just rambling, so I am gonna sign out...

APSW certification exam Wednesday
2nd interview for IFS on Thursday
GREAT things are coming...I can just feel it!!! :)

Monday...a little unexpected...

Well, I'm always talking about closure and how important it is to me. Today I was thrown for a loop. It is my last day at my internship...TODAY! It is a weird feeling that I wasn't really prepared for. My supervisor is going on leave, and today she said, "You're already over on your hours. Let's have today be your last day." Shocking, I have feelings of relief, not sadness.

I am going to be sad to leave my kids, but not to be done with my internship. It just means I'm one step closer to my graduate school career being over. One more Monday night class tonight, two Tuesday classes, and one Saturday class..one more paper to write too!!!

A few questions in my mind...What will transpire in the next two weeks? Will I get any interviews? Will I get any rejections? Will I get any job offers? I honestly don't know!
This "not knowing" usually bugs the crap out of me, but today I am calm and serene...go figure! I'm totally not stressing the unknown. I realize that I'm not very religious, but I do consider myself a spiritual person. The past few weeks I have been doing a lot of praying.

It may sound cheesy, but I really do think that "God has a plan" for me. I don't know if I am "meant" to get this IFS job, but if I don't get it, I'm sure there's something better out there for me. I am trying to remember that "everything happens for a reason."

I am going to stay positive, look ahead, and never look back. I will succeed, even if it takes awhile...

lazy Sundays...doesn't happen very often!

Sunday morning...the morning after the Daughtry show in Rockford. The show was awesome, and Jason and I had a complete blast!!! The seats were awesome...thanks Mom and Dad (30th birthday present)!!!

I must say that things have changed a little bit for me in the terms of concerts in the past ten years or so. We had really awesome seats...at the end of the catwalk! There were four high school age girls sitting next to Jason, and they were so annoying!!! They kept trying to stand in front of our seats, and they were screaming so loudly!!! I let it slide for Lifehouse, but there was no way they were going to stand there for Daughtry. I was a huge bitch to them...saying horrible things to them. They were annoying little girls, and I honestly wanted to the beat the sh** out of them! When Daughtry started playing Jason and I jumped up to the railing before they had a chance. They were super pissed because Jason is 6'3", and I was wearing a 3 inch heal. They said to Jason, "I'm just going to scream in your ear the whole time." We just laughed because it was so funny.

The show was awesome...minus the stupid screaming children. I touched Daughtry's hand twice, and got some awesome pics...which I'm downloading on Facebook as we speak. Daughtry probably played for about two hours...I forgot how many awesome songs he really does have. I will say though, drinking at the show was nearly impossible. It was $6 for one beer...Bud Light...outrageous!!! I haven't had such a good time in a concert in so long, and it was nice to have a relaxing evening with good music and exceptional company.

I am currently enjoying my Sunday off of work by watching Scooby Doo with Jake...trying to decide if we're going to see the new Shrek movie or not. It's a nice day outside...but getting pretty darn humid!!! Time to keep being bum...downloading pictures...spending quality time with Jake!

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish I was a musician...then I could write a song to express how I am feeling. I know that I blog and keep a personal journal, but sometimes I feel like a song would just help me express myself in a more honest way. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my personal relationships, professional relationships, and my future. The future does scare me a little bit, but it's mostly the unknown that scares me. I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I perceive people...and it makes me think sometimes that I don't know people as well as I thought I did.

Sometimes you listen to what someone is saying, but you don't really hear what they are trying to tell you.

Sometimes you think you understand how someone is feeling, but you really have no clue.

Sometimes you are so wrapped up in your own shit, that you don't really hear the advice people are trying to give you.

Sometimes you think you know someone so well, but you really don't know one thing about them.

I think a lot of the time we "suffocate" people with our good intentions...not realizing that we are doing more harm than good. I think this is how romantic relationships get into trouble. We like spending so much time with that person, and then end up feeling like a burden. I don't know how to explain it...so I'm going to use someone else's lyrics to explain that feeling...

You never said, you never said, you never said
That it would be this hard
Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars?
Can you hear me when I call your name?

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said and with a broken heart
You walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me when I call your name?

Complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong
And I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars?
Can you hear me when I call your name?
So, can you hear me when I call your name?

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said and with a broken heart
You walls can only go down but so low
Can you hear me when I call your name?